We all want to be liked, but sometimes, our desire to please others can get in the way of our own self-respect.
The difference boils down to authenticity. Constantly bending to accommodate others can often hide our true selves and intentions.
Saying no to people-pleasing behaviors means choosing to value ourselves and our needs, even if it might disappoint others.
Being respected in life means standing your ground and showing that your opinions and feelings matter too. And believe it or not, there are certain behaviors that you need to let go of if you want people to take you seriously.
Let’s get started.
1) Always saying yes
One of the most common people-pleasing behaviors is the inability to say no. And trust me, being a ‘yes’ person can be exhausting.
Often, we find ourselves agreeing to things we don’t want to do, purely to avoid disappointing others. But in doing so, we end up neglecting our own needs and wants.
Remember, respect starts from within. If you can’t respect your own boundaries, how can you expect others to?
Saying no doesn’t mean you’re being rude or unkind. It’s about self-care and valuing your own time and energy.
2) Constantly apologizing
Now, this is a tough one for me personally. I’ve always been the kind to over-apologize, even when it’s not warranted. Anyone else relate?
It’s like an automatic response, saying sorry for things that aren’t even my fault. I’ve realized over time that it’s one of those people-pleasing habits that actually undermines my self-respect.
Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong is a sign of maturity, no doubt. But when you apologize unnecessarily, you may inadvertently give off the impression that you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault or within your control.
I remember once apologizing to a colleague for not being able to take on an extra task that wasn’t even part of my job description. Looking back, I see how this could have made me seem less capable or confident.
Working on this habit has been a game changer for me. I’ve learned to pause before saying ‘sorry’ and consider whether an apology is truly necessary.
3) Suppressing your opinions
Did you know that the most respected people in any context are often those who are unafraid to voice their thoughts and opinions?
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Holding back your thoughts for the sake of pleasing others can create a false image of agreeability. While it might make you seem easygoing in the short term, it can also lead to others perceiving you as someone without strong convictions or ideas.
Your opinions matter, and sharing them encourages open dialogue and mutual respect. Of course, this doesn’t mean imposing your thoughts on others, but rather expressing them constructively and respectfully.
Don’t be afraid to share your ideas. You’ll be surprised at how it can boost your self-respect and the respect others have for you.
4) Overcommitting
Being reliable is a great trait, but overcommitting is a different story. It’s easy to fall into the trap of taking on too many tasks or responsibilities in an effort to please others.
What happens then? You stretch yourself too thin, compromising on the quality of your work and the time you have for yourself. This could lead to stress, burnout and even resentment towards those you’re trying to please.
The key here is balance. Know your limits, understand your priorities, and don’t be afraid to delegate or turn down tasks that are beyond your capacity.
It’s better to commit to fewer tasks and complete them effectively than overcommit and fall short. This will not only earn you respect but also ensure that you respect yourself and your own limits.
5) Neglecting self-care
Taking care of others is a wonderful trait, but not at the expense of your own well-being.
When you consistently put others’ needs before your own, you’re sending a message – to yourself and to them – that their needs are more important than yours. And that’s simply not true.
Your health, your happiness, and your dreams matter just as much as anyone else’s. Don’t let your desire to please others steal away the precious time and energy you need for self-care.
Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential. And those who truly respect you will understand and support this. So make sure to carve out time for activities that refill your cup, whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or simply enjoying a quiet cup of coffee.
Because at the end of the day, a well-cared-for you is the best gift you can give to those around you.
6) Seeking constant validation
For a long time, I found myself relying heavily on others’ approval to feel good about myself. Every decision, every accomplishment, seemed less significant unless someone else validated it.
But over time, I’ve learned that this is a dangerous path. Constantly seeking validation from others can make you lose sight of your own worth and achievements. It can trap you in an endless cycle of trying to meet others’ expectations, leaving you feeling unfulfilled and discontent.
Learning to trust my own judgment and celebrate my own accomplishments has been a journey. But it’s one that has helped me grow in self-confidence and self-respect.
It’s nice to be appreciated, but don’t let others’ opinions define your worth or success. You are enough just as you are. And that’s something no one else should have the power to validate or invalidate.
7) Avoiding confrontation
Avoiding confrontation is a common behavior among people-pleasers. It’s often easier to keep quiet or agree than to voice disagreement and risk upsetting someone.
However, avoiding confrontation doesn’t resolve issues; it just suppresses them. Over time, unaddressed issues can build resentment and undermine relationships.
Expressing your feelings or addressing issues doesn’t have to be confrontational. It can be done in a respectful and assertive manner that fosters understanding and mutual respect.
Standing up for yourself or expressing your disagreement is not rude or aggressive; it’s a sign of self-respect. And those who respect you will appreciate your honesty and openness.
8) Sacrificing your dreams
Your dreams and aspirations are the essence of who you are. They give you purpose, direction, and happiness.
Sacrificing your dreams to please others is perhaps the most damaging behavior of all. It’s like denying your own existence, your own worth.
Never let go of your dreams for the sake of others’ expectations. Your life is yours to live, and your dreams are yours to chase. And anyone who truly respects you will support and encourage you in pursuing them.
Life is too short to live someone else’s dream. Embrace your dreams, and never compromise on them for anyone. Because the greatest respect you can garner in life is self-respect, and that begins with honoring your own dreams.
